There exist questions which drive us all. Questions that fuel our actions and our decisions each and every day. Questions whose answers fundamentally change how we both view ourselves as individuals and as a piece of an overly complex system. The answers we hold in our hearts to these questions define how we choose to spend our lives. They define how we affect the world we are a part of. They define who we are. And often the most painful times in our lives are when these questions feel the most impossible to answer.
- Why do I exist?
- Who am I?
- What should I do?
The perspectives we build from answering these questions lay the foundation for how we interact with the world. In recent days, I’ve felt off. As if I’m in shoes not meant for me. As if theres some unknown pain deep in my soul that fills me with the feeling where boredom mixes with regret. Where everything seems pointless. Shows I watch no longer phase me. Games I play no longer excite me. Foods I eat no longer satisfy me. All consumption feels pointless. Empty.
Up until now, I’d continue watching shows, playing games, and eating food. Because those are my escapes. Those are how I distract my mind from trying to grasp these questions. Because often, its easy to doom-say. We are all guaranteed to die. Our existence will end. And at that point, its quite easy to say “fuck it, I do not want to think about that”. But that comes with a cost. And when I say “fuck it” enough times, my brain builds up angst. I feel hopeless and lost. I feel like I’m wasting my life.
But here I am. I’m writing this post. I’m expressing my feelings on my current state of being and my attempts to understand the world. It feels good. I find my mind to be calmer. Though I may be just as confused, embracing the uncertainty is the first step towards creating an awesome life.
This is a form of my art. This is one of the ways I choose to deal with this universe of impossibility we find ourselves in.
We are all artists. We all share joys, fears, and doubts. Pains and sorrows. Now the real question is, what will you do with it? What art will you make? How do you see the world? What is your reason to live? I would love to know! For thats the reason why we consume art. To get closer to each other. Earlier I mentioned shows and games in a negative light. They are not negative in and of themselves. They are the product of another person’s (or many people’s) energy. My pain arose when I consumed so much that I failed to devote time to allow my own soul to sing. I failed to share my own experience.
To those reading this piece, I implore you to create. I dream for you to build. I wish for you to write. Those who figured this out before me have inspired me beyond measure. Now it’s my turn to share that light. To show a way out of the darkness. Embrace the uncertainty, the insecurity, and the vulnerability of sharing your imagination with the world, and find an exciting new journey towards a better you.
In my next post, I plan on answering those bolded questions above for myself and exploring what new questions arise. Stay tuned 🙂