Day One, Again

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Day one on this road to rebirth
phoenix style, revived while this heart pumps infinite platelets
red discs with all the oxygen needed for me to exist
and resist once more against falling to depravity
ya know, it’s tiring to endlessly struggle against this anxiety
of knowing I’ll die then choose to stay living in pursuit of growth and changing
yet I see the news, and it’s breaking, always breaking
breaking my heart as I no longer know how to react or where to start
while all I do is continue to watch other lives fall apart
and I play the part of a hypocrite with pleasant words on the tongue
yet no action to mirror it, just nihilism in development
hellbent on letting past failures dictate current mindsets and perspectives

To me, I say:

You need to drop it
drop the sunk cost fallacy stopping you from change
don’t let that be, don’t let it be, it’s just a bias in your brain
let it go, you can drop this disdain for your past self, it’s just an image in your brain
just a passing phase before finally thinking sane
so what, you know, we’ve all made mistakes
it’s still alright, despite the outtakes so long as you never forget all at stake
never forget the love in your life and your chance to make something new
contribute to a perspective, conjure up a view
a different kind of pointed lens to shape the world’s affect on you

And let you grow like roses back in bloom
when not so long ago, we watched their doom,
wilted dead, no way to consume, no room for solar energy
you see, I cycle like this
I grow and then I bleed
fail to grasp, fail to heed to past lessons of the younger me
as if it were so easy to live and forget
refusing memories just to beget more mental hemorrhaging

Now I think back of Grandpa and miss telling him all this life I saw
how I can’t grapple with the religion I was raised with
because it just doesn’t make sense to me
even though my father continues to sometimes sing and preach

And then I remembered the connection between us was never about God
but this vibration, this musical sensation of sounds rising into chorus to higher elevations, serotonin sensations
as the unity of you and me all comes together in the sound waves, symphonic space
displacing this silent haze of our hours turning into days
with all these ancient ways encouraging a connective phase
what if there were a simpler way
more direct with less prophetic indiscretions, less corrupt intentions
cause most of organized religion I see seems to lack balance consistently
now I don’t mean to tread on what you believe, this is simply my perspective
how I feel and perceive what’s in front of me
I see galaxies so vast and free
impossibly deterministic, unpredictably mystically
unfathomably filled with dynamic trees all branching into these separate ideas and pieces of existence
and if I don’t stop to breathe, I’m sure to miss this chance to get up again
live and love again to build these dreams again

Photographer: Steve Halama

Next Steps

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Listen up as this is what’s happening now
You’re gonna take a seat and then write it out
All about the feels when you’re drowning out the shouting doubts
With the flip side, light tide, Sun-drum beat to fight away
Mentalities that choose to run and hide away
Instead you’ll choose to face how you feel today
No more anxiety idly churned to disarray

I know you’re scared enough to feel afraid to act
But you need to turn back
Don’t be long, just make it fast
To make it back on track towards recovery road’s path,
And pass by old perspectives only ever stuck in the past
Of yesterday, the love that grows and fades
Against the rising hate of fate to make or break
Procrastinated dreams of late
’n dissipate the tension against falling into flow
Taking deep breaths in, calm and slow
Remember, remember, how you’re not alone
Time and again, look how you’ve flown
Only soared past a thrown stone ‘cause of help from an other
Now rediscover love, like lightning and thunder
Motion picture wonder
Where the energy is found in next steps
No longer complicity aiding the morbidity statistics of chosen obesity
Heartbreaking tendencies
No, fuck that
You’ll welcome back the healthy math
Where emotional coping no longer equates to getting fat


Photographer: Mantas Hesthaven

Mental Pivot

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When your momentum halts
Come to me

When optimism fades to darkest despair
Reach out to me

When it hurts too much to bear past mistakes
You pick up that damn phone
And you talk to me

I’m right here, it’s my turn to help you breathe
To feel relieved, this love in motion to fill your need
Cause time’s run out, new patience must be freed from
Anxiety to atrophy, disaster trees bashing the masterpiece
Swing me down and pass the reasons to believe
In defeating low self-esteem
Dream up new ways of being, cause you’re stronger than you’re seeing
Mind out of focus, shift to freeing from self torment
A life abhorrent to have air in your lungs, yet hate in your veins
Shift to a change of pace, add some love to that look on your face
As you make haste to displace these rotten fates
Trajectories of pain which only serve to make waste
But it’s not too late, even though we both see the diabolical rate
Of self-destruction
Mentalities in flux when impulse dictates the next act
In need of discipline to strengthen back your consistency
It’s no mystery, just repeated history
This one-two step towards dreams of your visioning


Photographer: Seth Willingham

Existential Toolbox

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For a moment you’ve forgotten
This foundation you’ve built, hard fought, begotten
Through cloudy sunset, hazy moon sweat
Running past bitter regret, frozen fret
With oxygen left for one more breath
So don’t act as if you already wrote the story’s death

You don’t know the page to come
As the ink can run any which way
Mystery’s path lay between time, space
And the melody imposed leaving heartbeats exposed in synchronicity
Remember, remember, the sweetest of symphonies
How just the gentlest breeze carries gratitude
Reshaped attitude, sparking actions over platitudes
Passing over self-defeating moods in order to rope in good vibes
Filling your cup with the fuller half
The blissful math


Photographer: jesse orrico

Nice to Hear From You Again

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Your freshest album plays a reinvention of music
Recreation of momentary self expression
Absorbed in flow, this continuous show
To grow every dream like blades of grass tipped in frosted snow
Seasonal depression, no longer in tow
I remember now these feelings I used to know

Welcome
Welcome once more melody over tragedy
Footsteps on the path to be, taking me from land to sea
Naivety of crafting dreams
As I’m no longer passing these opportunities to live and breathe
Deep breath in, then relieve, shift in focus how to perceive
Life, death, and the time between


Photographer: James Pond

Refocus

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Lose your mind falling into music
Lose anxiety moving towards fusing heartbeat with melody
Start your feet, step to me, melt into ecstasy, fantasy
A last chance for us to see, to freely breathe
No time to disagree
Only this moment to sing-believe in dreams ’n’ destiny
Before death gets to me, the restful sleep
A return to the start before I ever had a heart
Beat beat, heart heart beat beat, heart heart beat beat
Before I ever ever had a heart beat beat
To the drum beat repeat ’til I’m six feet deep sleep
Mistakes heaped up, mountains

Now facing days wasted
Mirror’s displacement replaced with staring at cold ground
Stuck on basic questions only ever found in insecurity
Back slump, chin down, emotional posture hurting me
You can see definitively the painful end of apathy
From lazy days to suddenly singing new perspectives
Ideas, viewpoints ’n’ lenses
No longer stuck behind a heart’s defenses
Self induced dimensions of distance
As if love were a business and I declared bankruptcy

This last Tuesday I had the amazing opportunity to see Mako perform their debut album, Hourglass. During the show, I thought about what music meant to me and now I wrote something to express it.

Current favorite song is Craziest Day I Ever Had

Photographer: Me at a Land’s End sunset a couple weeks ago.

Neuroplastic Transition

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Now let me pass my thanks
For this booster shot
Urgency to move, I got
It flowing in my veins
Got it growing in my brain
Hero’s plot, the second stage
Sword of destiny, now in range
To write the other side of fate
To make, create, to break ‘n’ shake
Off self-ridicule, the mirror’s fool
Apathy’s riddle ruled and conquered
No longer stuck on the first step
Leaps and bounds towards the next breath
Placing my best bet
Reminded of passion to fasten ideas into action
This choice to live in dreams passing
Demons on cloud nine with a

FUCK YOU
This is my life to lose
I refuse time spent solely focused on the blues
Ignoring sunshine, sunrise, these daily rainbow hues
You must be deranged and confused to think I’d throw away the music
Wordplay fused in the melody
Hell fell, fella see, broken fallacy at the bass drop beat
Ping pong feet quickstep to the feature presentation
On both main stage and front row seat
To greet these shadows headstrong
Fear thawed and melted
Insecurity handled and dealt with
As confidence comes in rhyme
Heartbeat ‘n’ harmony intertwined


Photographer: Me

I wrote this to capture the feeling when someone amazing tells you that they believe and have faith in you. A feeling that can change the way your brain works.