Overweight Is Not Beautiful

You know what’s not beautiful
Living with poor choices
Using food as a means to escape reality
Rather than enjoy it
Destroying bags of chips as they go straight to my hips
Because I’m psychologically addicted to the feeling
Of crunching and consuming
Munching and resuming
The same re-fleeting feeling of momentary assuming
That so long as I can eat some more
Feelings will fade away

Assuming that when emotionally cornered
By a series of frustrating events
That I can decide to binge in order to forget my stance
Forget myself and my dreams
Rather than endure, I feed myself as a means
To reach the feeling of something other than
Facing my own self in the mirror
Because what’s scary is often the picture clearer
I don’t feel comfortable in my own skin

I can’t handle a confidence deflated
Due to a stomach I’ve inflated
There’s no real debate here
Just facing results of these past years
Button popping, towel tightening, relationship fears
Insecurity overwhelming

To those able to do it
You’re stronger than I
For I can’t use inner beauty as an excuse
To cover up self-abuse
When every single time
I had a series of choices all in a line
Where consistently I decided to leave behind
The state of mind that focuses on long-term health and feeling alive
Instead I chose that it’s ok to die
Slowly but surely for that whole key lime pie

We are humans
Not meant to be triple XL
From all these poor choices
I’ve given my organs hell
Trying to do the job of 3 times the size
For a body that’s grown at least 3 times as wide
Instead of stronger

You want to know why I HATE being fat
It’s facing the fact that my choices were not all that
A feeling where I don’t want that gal to grab my ass
Because its way too jello, and jiggles way too fast

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