Defrost

guille-pozzi-364908.jpg

Mind changing like seasons
Fading away from heat while still freezing
In a heartbreak blizzard
Where every snowflake is a mistake
From a time too afraid to act, too stuck to look ahead when frozen in the past
In a present moment moving ever too fast
And here I am desperately trying to master mindfulness in gratitude
Becoming aware of the existential multitude of
Blood pumping, oxygen flowing, lungs expanding and releasing in tow
As I write from this plane departing from the ground below

Now gaining speed, wind pressure lifting up wings of steel
As I soar towards dreams until I can finally feel
That I’m moving forward through rough turbulence
On the fence of happenstance, lucky to still have breath to dance
And not forsake my opportunity to live and see ideas enhanced in community
Finding growth both in our difference and in our unity
Able to create and share new moments, even if temporarily


Photo by guille pozzi on Unsplash

Overcoming Platitudes

nick-fisher-261918.jpg

New inspirations cycling demonstrations of growth to reach
Got more to do than blindly preach potential
While still avoiding mental gaps between dreams in mind
And then only letting them breathe mentally
Restricted existence, not living free
Self limitations, persistent hesitations marking happiness a mystery
Continuous missed bliss whilst falling to depravity
Got lost then forgot the gravity of growth
How sometimes the gains come slow
But that never means it’s okay to lose hope

So I transform failure into memories
Constant reminders of what I lost
Of what could be different
The good and bad both fitting scenes
To now distill into self growth schemes
Where success means successive steps
Taking chances just like one takes breaths
Refusing to stay stuck, letting greatness manifest
Making the phrase, “Try your best”, transcend these platitudes
That I used to say and then just forget
So now let my words represent how I’ll choose to act next


Photo by Nick Fisher on Unsplash

Focus on Foundations

warren-wong-277326

Meaningful progress everyday
Discipline and determination are the guides when I fall astray
When too afraid to follow fate, through the noise, then past the hate
Poised not to hesitate or simply crash and break at the smallest obstacle
A simple shake — I can handle it
I got it what it takes with new perspectives to pull me through
Harsh lessons from which I grew
Fresh breath to feel renewed as I breathe in fresh points of view
No longer living misconstrued, where my words are the dust
Of wind swept promises lost to rust and decay

No, no, no, I must not delay adaptations into this better me
To live and see dreams grow from ideas into reality
Until what’s in my mind turns into what I can see
Breaking the fallacy that wishes work without the work so easily
As it seems to be the opposite correlation
Wishes require hard work with consistent determination
Long term concerted effort of facing every challenge with smiles and elation
No longer escaping difficulty with distraction and mental displacement

Photo by Warren Wong on Unsplash

Two Floors Back

photo-1473777785975-efb668f9ea99.jpeg

Cycle flow, up up up then down below
Sunk deep with all my doubt in tow, drowned so slow
In self defeating tendency consistently found at the crossroads
Of giving a fuck then choosing to let it go well before
Liberty bell’s final toll as it cracks and folds from the pressure
Of endless hate and self-censure of love to share
Held within with no chance to breath fresh air
No fate at ease to spread up there

All this time just played deadweight
So fake in tales, deteriorated when confronted with new challenge
Fell down, then lost mental balance
As I tripped falling into fallacy
Non-reality where I failed to act while seemingly chasing dreams

So this is a self decree
To step away, to run and flee from self betrayal, misery
Of solely living off impulse with no discipline nor honor
No regimented habits set in stone, no foundation, nor muscle on the bone
Now is the return of relearning how to put in the work to see myself grow
This is an internal decree not to forget the small choices, the little decisions
All the micro-habits which compound and cumulate into personal change
The abilities to conjure up digital wishes as if magic were at play
Because that’s why I first got into this game
To become a wizard of code creating new ways to pass the day
And just by chance, inspiring others to join and play


Photo by Samuel Zeller

Snapping Out of It

bryan-minear-317365.jpg

Recording time lapses just to rewatch the time pass
With a different perspective
Velocity of mental recognition found in configurable frames per second
Processing minutes like seconds, hours like minutes
Months like days as if I’ve lost my ways to live in a moment
Lost my ways to honor this heartbeat, now facing a fresh defeat
Yet instead of giving up, I can own it
I can grow yet, throw self hate out the window in a fourth quarter comeback to find the next path, a new angle to move past
Internal walls which only aim to block my progress while deepening my falls
These voices that say

Stop, you can’t succeed
Just stop and be freed from the torment of breathing for dreams
But never getting there
You’ll soon be dead, so why all the fuss?
Slow, slow, slow it down, just get off the bus
Just kill yourself the slow way, binge eat to avoid your fate
Stay in your seat and feel the atrophy take
Let your muscles deteriorate and stay apathetic to your current state
And deflate your hopes and desires, simply accept this is the way to expire

To them I say,

Calm your mind and ease your thoughts because it’s okay to rest
Cause it’s okay to catch your breath
Then once you get it back move onto what’s next
Take an action, make a change, don’t stay frozen and stuck
And recognize that it’s strange to not have something worth dancing for
Worth fighting for
So dream, then build to life what your heart beats for, this is what your heartbeat’s for
To allocate more attention towards the stories of growth n evolution
Averting limited gaze from tempting illusions hoping to catch you in a haze
Get you mentally stuck in this inhibited phase
Where you rest a bit too long
Stuck replaying the same old song when you need to move on and let go
Onto to the next stage of life, let’s move on and flow like butterflies in flight
Flying through the breeze against all the wind’s might
And despite the current’s strength, always finding trust in the gravity of gratitude
The way love can reshape your body and attitude
Cause you’re still borderline morbidly obese and the weight still drags you down
As you drown in escaping the feud in your now
With smiles in consistency opposed to the apathy in frowns


Photo by Bryan Minear on Unsplash

Day One, Again

steve-halama-242170.jpg

Day one on this road to rebirth
phoenix style, revived while this heart pumps infinite platelets
red discs with all the oxygen needed for me to exist
and resist once more against falling to depravity
ya know, it’s tiring to endlessly struggle against this anxiety
of knowing I’ll die then choose to stay living in pursuit of growth and changing
yet I see the news, and it’s breaking, always breaking
breaking my heart as I no longer know how to react or where to start
while all I do is continue to watch other lives fall apart
and I play the part of a hypocrite with pleasant words on the tongue
yet no action to mirror it, just nihilism in development
hellbent on letting past failures dictate current mindsets and perspectives

To me, I say:

You need to drop it
drop the sunk cost fallacy stopping you from change
don’t let that be, don’t let it be, it’s just a bias in your brain
let it go, you can drop this disdain for your past self, it’s just an image in your brain
just a passing phase before finally thinking sane
so what, you know, we’ve all made mistakes
it’s still alright, despite the outtakes so long as you never forget all at stake
never forget the love in your life and your chance to make something new
contribute to a perspective, conjure up a view
a different kind of pointed lens to shape the world’s affect on you

And let you grow like roses back in bloom
when not so long ago, we watched their doom,
wilted dead, no way to consume, no room for solar energy
you see, I cycle like this
I grow and then I bleed
fail to grasp, fail to heed to past lessons of the younger me
as if it were so easy to live and forget
refusing memories just to beget more mental hemorrhaging

Now I think back of Grandpa and miss telling him all this life I saw
how I can’t grapple with the religion I was raised with
because it just doesn’t make sense to me
even though my father continues to sometimes sing and preach

And then I remembered the connection between us was never about God
but this vibration, this musical sensation of sounds rising into chorus to higher elevations, serotonin sensations
as the unity of you and me all comes together in the sound waves, symphonic space
displacing this silent haze of our hours turning into days
with all these ancient ways encouraging a connective phase
what if there were a simpler way
more direct with less prophetic indiscretions, less corrupt intentions
cause most of organized religion I see seems to lack balance consistently
now I don’t mean to tread on what you believe, this is simply my perspective
how I feel and perceive what’s in front of me
I see galaxies so vast and free
impossibly deterministic, unpredictably mystically
unfathomably filled with dynamic trees all branching into these separate ideas and pieces of existence
and if I don’t stop to breathe, I’m sure to miss this chance to get up again
live and love again to build these dreams again

Photographer: Steve Halama

Next Steps

mantas-hesthaven-135478.jpg

Listen up as this is what’s happening now
You’re gonna take a seat and then write it out
All about the feels when you’re drowning out the shouting doubts
With the flip side, light tide, Sun-drum beat to fight away
Mentalities that choose to run and hide away
Instead you’ll choose to face how you feel today
No more anxiety idly churned to disarray

I know you’re scared enough to feel afraid to act
But you need to turn back
Don’t be long, just make it fast
To make it back on track towards recovery road’s path,
And pass by old perspectives only ever stuck in the past
Of yesterday, the love that grows and fades
Against the rising hate of fate to make or break
Procrastinated dreams of late
’n dissipate the tension against falling into flow
Taking deep breaths in, calm and slow
Remember, remember, how you’re not alone
Time and again, look how you’ve flown
Only soared past a thrown stone ‘cause of help from an other
Now rediscover love, like lightning and thunder
Motion picture wonder
Where the energy is found in next steps
No longer complicity aiding the morbidity statistics of chosen obesity
Heartbreaking tendencies
No, fuck that
You’ll welcome back the healthy math
Where emotional coping no longer equates to getting fat


Photographer: Mantas Hesthaven