Defrost

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Mind changing like seasons
Fading away from heat while still freezing
In a heartbreak blizzard
Where every snowflake is a mistake
From a time too afraid to act, too stuck to look ahead when frozen in the past
In a present moment moving ever too fast
And here I am desperately trying to master mindfulness in gratitude
Becoming aware of the existential multitude of
Blood pumping, oxygen flowing, lungs expanding and releasing in tow
As I write from this plane departing from the ground below

Now gaining speed, wind pressure lifting up wings of steel
As I soar towards dreams until I can finally feel
That I’m moving forward through rough turbulence
On the fence of happenstance, lucky to still have breath to dance
And not forsake my opportunity to live and see ideas enhanced in community
Finding growth both in our difference and in our unity
Able to create and share new moments, even if temporarily


Photo by guille pozzi on Unsplash

Overcoming Platitudes

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New inspirations cycling demonstrations of growth to reach
Got more to do than blindly preach potential
While still avoiding mental gaps between dreams in mind
And then only letting them breathe mentally
Restricted existence, not living free
Self limitations, persistent hesitations marking happiness a mystery
Continuous missed bliss whilst falling to depravity
Got lost then forgot the gravity of growth
How sometimes the gains come slow
But that never means it’s okay to lose hope

So I transform failure into memories
Constant reminders of what I lost
Of what could be different
The good and bad both fitting scenes
To now distill into self growth schemes
Where success means successive steps
Taking chances just like one takes breaths
Refusing to stay stuck, letting greatness manifest
Making the phrase, “Try your best”, transcend these platitudes
That I used to say and then just forget
So now let my words represent how I’ll choose to act next


Photo by Nick Fisher on Unsplash

Focus on Foundations

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Meaningful progress everyday
Discipline and determination are the guides when I fall astray
When too afraid to follow fate, through the noise, then past the hate
Poised not to hesitate or simply crash and break at the smallest obstacle
A simple shake — I can handle it
I got it what it takes with new perspectives to pull me through
Harsh lessons from which I grew
Fresh breath to feel renewed as I breathe in fresh points of view
No longer living misconstrued, where my words are the dust
Of wind swept promises lost to rust and decay

No, no, no, I must not delay adaptations into this better me
To live and see dreams grow from ideas into reality
Until what’s in my mind turns into what I can see
Breaking the fallacy that wishes work without the work so easily
As it seems to be the opposite correlation
Wishes require hard work with consistent determination
Long term concerted effort of facing every challenge with smiles and elation
No longer escaping difficulty with distraction and mental displacement

Photo by Warren Wong on Unsplash

Two Floors Back

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Cycle flow, up up up then down below
Sunk deep with all my doubt in tow, drowned so slow
In self defeating tendency consistently found at the crossroads
Of giving a fuck then choosing to let it go well before
Liberty bell’s final toll as it cracks and folds from the pressure
Of endless hate and self-censure of love to share
Held within with no chance to breath fresh air
No fate at ease to spread up there

All this time just played deadweight
So fake in tales, deteriorated when confronted with new challenge
Fell down, then lost mental balance
As I tripped falling into fallacy
Non-reality where I failed to act while seemingly chasing dreams

So this is a self decree
To step away, to run and flee from self betrayal, misery
Of solely living off impulse with no discipline nor honor
No regimented habits set in stone, no foundation, nor muscle on the bone
Now is the return of relearning how to put in the work to see myself grow
This is an internal decree not to forget the small choices, the little decisions
All the micro-habits which compound and cumulate into personal change
The abilities to conjure up digital wishes as if magic were at play
Because that’s why I first got into this game
To become a wizard of code creating new ways to pass the day
And just by chance, inspiring others to join and play


Photo by Samuel Zeller

Snapping Out of It

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Recording time lapses just to rewatch the time pass
With a different perspective
Velocity of mental recognition found in configurable frames per second
Processing minutes like seconds, hours like minutes
Months like days as if I’ve lost my ways to live in a moment
Lost my ways to honor this heartbeat, now facing a fresh defeat
Yet instead of giving up, I can own it
I can grow yet, throw self hate out the window in a fourth quarter comeback to find the next path, a new angle to move past
Internal walls which only aim to block my progress while deepening my falls
These voices that say

Stop, you can’t succeed
Just stop and be freed from the torment of breathing for dreams
But never getting there
You’ll soon be dead, so why all the fuss?
Slow, slow, slow it down, just get off the bus
Just kill yourself the slow way, binge eat to avoid your fate
Stay in your seat and feel the atrophy take
Let your muscles deteriorate and stay apathetic to your current state
And deflate your hopes and desires, simply accept this is the way to expire

To them I say,

Calm your mind and ease your thoughts because it’s okay to rest
Cause it’s okay to catch your breath
Then once you get it back move onto what’s next
Take an action, make a change, don’t stay frozen and stuck
And recognize that it’s strange to not have something worth dancing for
Worth fighting for
So dream, then build to life what your heart beats for, this is what your heartbeat’s for
To allocate more attention towards the stories of growth n evolution
Averting limited gaze from tempting illusions hoping to catch you in a haze
Get you mentally stuck in this inhibited phase
Where you rest a bit too long
Stuck replaying the same old song when you need to move on and let go
Onto to the next stage of life, let’s move on and flow like butterflies in flight
Flying through the breeze against all the wind’s might
And despite the current’s strength, always finding trust in the gravity of gratitude
The way love can reshape your body and attitude
Cause you’re still borderline morbidly obese and the weight still drags you down
As you drown in escaping the feud in your now
With smiles in consistency opposed to the apathy in frowns


Photo by Bryan Minear on Unsplash

Sober Days

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I let myself walk a little too slow, I let it all go
Internal inferno left to simmer on a low heat
Should have foreseen that staying stuck in comforting scenes
Would leave me struggling to feel excitement without these chemicals
Mind bending trails of fabricated journeys
Always yearning yet never learning, no growth, just time churning
Nothing but injustice to all this fire burning in personal wasteland

It’s time to face it, fam
I can be stronger than what I am today
Choices differing in a sober step toward
Reigning in recklessness paying it forward to my future self
An alley-oop to setup better mental health
Now that things are in the right perspective
Lessons present, proof that every time I committed to growth, I truly meant it
With this new chance to embrace moderation and craft these dreams in development


Photo by Joshua Earle

Gambler’s Manifesto

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Land’s End, San Francisco

Go play with the ups and downs, ride the waves of happy frowns
Writ to memory these lessons bound together in a set of truths, a set of rules
To spend your risk, you must not refuse embracing a gambler’s mindset the right way
Mathematically, not just easily swayed to empower emotion recklessly

Rule number one:
Expect to lose, then play to win
No outcome is guaranteed, so make sure you can weather
Whether destiny turns out for worse or for better
Never letting one bet err the long term
Yet still giving it your all, with no time churned on half worn dreams
Think it through, investing energy in all your scenes

Rule number two:
The result never fully defines you for you are so much more than where you placed your bets
What matters most is how you act next
So don’t let it consume you, your life is more complex than these series of bets
You must never forget the bigger picture, this particular happenstance

Rule number three:
Know you can stop at any time
At the drop of a line, no reason nor rhyme
No need for excuses, there’s nothing to find
It’s okay to let go and pivot towards peace of mind
You see it’s not healthy to let luck dictate moodswings
Even whilst earning potential winnings
Learning how to cope and handle the up and up is just as important as growing in the downswings

In summary:
Moderation, consideration, all these actions demonstrated
Is the too long, didn’t read of this self declaration
Defining some rules for this gambling phase’s duration