Day One, Again

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Day one on this road to rebirth
phoenix style, revived while this heart pumps infinite platelets
red discs with all the oxygen needed for me to exist
and resist once more against falling to depravity
ya know, it’s tiring to endlessly struggle against this anxiety
of knowing I’ll die then choose to stay living in pursuit of growth and changing
yet I see the news, and it’s breaking, always breaking
breaking my heart as I no longer know how to react or where to start
while all I do is continue to watch other lives fall apart
and I play the part of a hypocrite with pleasant words on the tongue
yet no action to mirror it, just nihilism in development
hellbent on letting past failures dictate current mindsets and perspectives

To me, I say:

You need to drop it
drop the sunk cost fallacy stopping you from change
don’t let that be, don’t let it be, it’s just a bias in your brain
let it go, you can drop this disdain for your past self, it’s just an image in your brain
just a passing phase before finally thinking sane
so what, you know, we’ve all made mistakes
it’s still alright, despite the outtakes so long as you never forget all at stake
never forget the love in your life and your chance to make something new
contribute to a perspective, conjure up a view
a different kind of pointed lens to shape the world’s affect on you

And let you grow like roses back in bloom
when not so long ago, we watched their doom,
wilted dead, no way to consume, no room for solar energy
you see, I cycle like this
I grow and then I bleed
fail to grasp, fail to heed to past lessons of the younger me
as if it were so easy to live and forget
refusing memories just to beget more mental hemorrhaging

Now I think back of Grandpa and miss telling him all this life I saw
how I can’t grapple with the religion I was raised with
because it just doesn’t make sense to me
even though my father continues to sometimes sing and preach

And then I remembered the connection between us was never about God
but this vibration, this musical sensation of sounds rising into chorus to higher elevations, serotonin sensations
as the unity of you and me all comes together in the sound waves, symphonic space
displacing this silent haze of our hours turning into days
with all these ancient ways encouraging a connective phase
what if there were a simpler way
more direct with less prophetic indiscretions, less corrupt intentions
cause most of organized religion I see seems to lack balance consistently
now I don’t mean to tread on what you believe, this is simply my perspective
how I feel and perceive what’s in front of me
I see galaxies so vast and free
impossibly deterministic, unpredictably mystically
unfathomably filled with dynamic trees all branching into these separate ideas and pieces of existence
and if I don’t stop to breathe, I’m sure to miss this chance to get up again
live and love again to build these dreams again

Photographer: Steve Halama

Next Steps

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Listen up as this is what’s happening now
You’re gonna take a seat and then write it out
All about the feels when you’re drowning out the shouting doubts
With the flip side, light tide, Sun-drum beat to fight away
Mentalities that choose to run and hide away
Instead you’ll choose to face how you feel today
No more anxiety idly churned to disarray

I know you’re scared enough to feel afraid to act
But you need to turn back
Don’t be long, just make it fast
To make it back on track towards recovery road’s path,
And pass by old perspectives only ever stuck in the past
Of yesterday, the love that grows and fades
Against the rising hate of fate to make or break
Procrastinated dreams of late
’n dissipate the tension against falling into flow
Taking deep breaths in, calm and slow
Remember, remember, how you’re not alone
Time and again, look how you’ve flown
Only soared past a thrown stone ‘cause of help from an other
Now rediscover love, like lightning and thunder
Motion picture wonder
Where the energy is found in next steps
No longer complicity aiding the morbidity statistics of chosen obesity
Heartbreaking tendencies
No, fuck that
You’ll welcome back the healthy math
Where emotional coping no longer equates to getting fat


Photographer: Mantas Hesthaven

Mental Pivot

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When your momentum halts
Come to me

When optimism fades to darkest despair
Reach out to me

When it hurts too much to bear past mistakes
You pick up that damn phone
And you talk to me

I’m right here, it’s my turn to help you breathe
To feel relieved, this love in motion to fill your need
Cause time’s run out, new patience must be freed from
Anxiety to atrophy, disaster trees bashing the masterpiece
Swing me down and pass the reasons to believe
In defeating low self-esteem
Dream up new ways of being, cause you’re stronger than you’re seeing
Mind out of focus, shift to freeing from self torment
A life abhorrent to have air in your lungs, yet hate in your veins
Shift to a change of pace, add some love to that look on your face
As you make haste to displace these rotten fates
Trajectories of pain which only serve to make waste
But it’s not too late, even though we both see the diabolical rate
Of self-destruction
Mentalities in flux when impulse dictates the next act
In need of discipline to strengthen back your consistency
It’s no mystery, just repeated history
This one-two step towards dreams of your visioning


Photographer: Seth Willingham

Existential Toolbox

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For a moment you’ve forgotten
This foundation you’ve built, hard fought, begotten
Through cloudy sunset, hazy moon sweat
Running past bitter regret, frozen fret
With oxygen left for one more breath
So don’t act as if you already wrote the story’s death

You don’t know the page to come
As the ink can run any which way
Mystery’s path lay between time, space
And the melody imposed leaving heartbeats exposed in synchronicity
Remember, remember, the sweetest of symphonies
How just the gentlest breeze carries gratitude
Reshaped attitude, sparking actions over platitudes
Passing over self-defeating moods in order to rope in good vibes
Filling your cup with the fuller half
The blissful math


Photographer: jesse orrico

Neuroplastic Transition

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Now let me pass my thanks
For this booster shot
Urgency to move, I got
It flowing in my veins
Got it growing in my brain
Hero’s plot, the second stage
Sword of destiny, now in range
To write the other side of fate
To make, create, to break ‘n’ shake
Off self-ridicule, the mirror’s fool
Apathy’s riddle ruled and conquered
No longer stuck on the first step
Leaps and bounds towards the next breath
Placing my best bet
Reminded of passion to fasten ideas into action
This choice to live in dreams passing
Demons on cloud nine with a

FUCK YOU
This is my life to lose
I refuse time spent solely focused on the blues
Ignoring sunshine, sunrise, these daily rainbow hues
You must be deranged and confused to think I’d throw away the music
Wordplay fused in the melody
Hell fell, fella see, broken fallacy at the bass drop beat
Ping pong feet quickstep to the feature presentation
On both main stage and front row seat
To greet these shadows headstrong
Fear thawed and melted
Insecurity handled and dealt with
As confidence comes in rhyme
Heartbeat ‘n’ harmony intertwined


Photographer: Me

I wrote this to capture the feeling when someone amazing tells you that they believe and have faith in you. A feeling that can change the way your brain works.

 

Growing Pains

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Past self, fake wealth
Transform in stealth of night to join the hero’s fight
No fright in the new day
Blocked out dismay
Disarray, dreams frayed
Love fade, an empty face, this empty space
Disgraceful reflections

Shame
Shame
Shame

No, stop that self blaming
No, I’m not claiming you’re good yet
But breathe that next breath
Take that next step
Cause you ain’t done yet

So why did you put dreams on pause
Why are you scared of love
Why
Why
Why do you hesitate
Do you spoil fate
Why do you throw it all away

What happened to the music
The flow you pledged to never lose
In between momentous orange slices of time
Where did you put your shine
You know you can’t rewind
So stop pretending to live blind
Behind past glory, the fast story
Bloom at night, then decay in the morning
Now heed the storm’s warning

With a heart worn on your sleeve
Prepare to feel torn
To mourn conclusions
Thread’s colorful illusions
All the while choosing
A life of love fueled by the music
Ocean’s waves fused with your musing


Photographer: Tim Marshall

Getting Up Again

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Sometimes the words read blurry
Flurried out the door, hurried
Searching for opportunity to live and breathe with unity, fluidity
Yet slipped onto divisive trajectories
Repeats of history, despair led by misery
Rejection, love a mystery
Hate brewing down the sea
Tsunami to drown my dreams

It seems to be that the only answer for stormy fates
Is gratitude
No hesitation, just a deep breath

Inhale

Exhale

Let go of torn sails, the worn wells
Swells and bellows for the next chance
To play hero, pretend to be more
Anxiety dropped to floor, dancing soar to lore
Tales of legends galore implore you to act
Right now, make this pact:

Now and forever,
I live each moment with all my love stacked


Photographer: SpaceX