To let every breath, every tip-tap step
guide Calm mindset’s return, raise it back from these sunken depths
of hate, self doubt, and sleep-blocking regrets
as this anxiety seems to pile on
with every news cycle of constant scandal and death
an obese body paying off impulsive debts
topped off with a cherry of romantic stress
so let me tune into a different song,
as I embrace each heartbeat’s attempt to dislodge hardened apathy
and revive common sense to place love over hate
self disdain off the plate
as I try a bit of kindness,
all while anxieties resurface from the darkness, now back to haunt me
revived bad habits that used to be
perfect storm of poor mental health’s return, looking mockingly
you see, I thought I made it past my past
past the last point of view, a grey lens overcast to block my view
dark and cold cocoon as I simply withdrew into not caring about me nor you
I thought that since I once flew, these battles were over, the struggle could not renew
yet that’s furthest from the truth
personal growth comes in waves
in up, down, sideways ways, sometimes sideways days
but that doesn’t mean I can stop running during the downswing phase
it’s this very moment when self discipline takes center stage
where auto-pilot is deliberate, tuned in and mindful
that’s where I find my long lost change

__
Photo by Francesco Gallarotti on Unsplash