self

Two Floors Back

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Cycle flow, up up up then down below
Sunk deep with all my doubt in tow, drowned so slow
In self defeating tendency consistently found at the crossroads
Of giving a fuck then choosing to let it go well before
Liberty bell’s final toll as it cracks and folds from the pressure
Of endless hate and self-censure of love to share
Held within with no chance to breath fresh air
No fate at ease to spread up there

All this time just played deadweight
So fake in tales, deteriorated when confronted with new challenge
Fell down, then lost mental balance
As I tripped falling into fallacy
Non-reality where I failed to act while seemingly chasing dreams

So this is a self decree
To step away, to run and flee from self betrayal, misery
Of solely living off impulse with no discipline nor honor
No regimented habits set in stone, no foundation, nor muscle on the bone
Now is the return of relearning how to put in the work to see myself grow
This is an internal decree not to forget the small choices, the little decisions
All the micro-habits which compound and cumulate into personal change
The abilities to conjure up digital wishes as if magic were at play
Because that’s why I first got into this game
To become a wizard of code creating new ways to pass the day
And just by chance, inspiring others to join and play

—
Photo by Samuel Zeller

Sober Days

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I let myself walk a little too slow, I let it all go
Internal inferno left to simmer on a low heat
Should have foreseen that staying stuck in comforting scenes
Would leave me struggling to feel excitement without these chemicals
Mind bending trails of fabricated journeys
Always yearning yet never learning, no growth, just time churning
Nothing but injustice to all this fire burning in personal wasteland

It’s time to face it, fam
I can be stronger than what I am today
Choices differing in a sober step toward
Reigning in recklessness paying it forward to my future self
An alley-oop to setup better mental health
Now that things are in the right perspective
Lessons present, proof that every time I committed to growth, I truly meant it
With this new chance to embrace moderation and craft these dreams in development

—
Photo by Joshua Earle

We are Stars

I needed a new way to see my soul. To see your soul. A new way to feel human. A new way to feel united. This is an imaginative rationality for our existence. So here we go:

[Prefaced by Art is the Answer, and My Most Important Question]

I’ll open with one of my favorite short tales of wisdom:

An old Cherokee is teaching his grandson about life. “A fight is going on inside me,” he said to the boy.

“It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil – he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.” He continued, “The other is good – he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The same fight is going on inside you – and inside every other person, too.”

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, “Which wolf will win?”

The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed.”.

I’ve rationalized much of my problems in life as a result of letting my evil wolf take the reigns of my soul. In that, I was comfortable with an understanding of my mind which split itself into multiple entities in order to put blame on one. In order to relieve my current consciousness from the matter. Blame is relieving. But how many times have I handed the reigns to my life over to the darker wolf? How is it that both sides always survive? How come at my best, I can feel the capacity for the worst? And during even my darkest times, there still existed a light to draw me away from falling inward into infinite solitude. What are we?

We are Stars

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