Day One, Again

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Day one on this road to rebirth
phoenix style, revived while this heart pumps infinite platelets
red discs with all the oxygen needed for me to exist
and resist once more against falling to depravity
ya know, it’s tiring to endlessly struggle against this anxiety
of knowing I’ll die then choose to stay living in pursuit of growth and changing
yet I see the news, and it’s breaking, always breaking
breaking my heart as I no longer know how to react or where to start
while all I do is continue to watch other lives fall apart
and I play the part of a hypocrite with pleasant words on the tongue
yet no action to mirror it, just nihilism in development
hellbent on letting past failures dictate current mindsets and perspectives

To me, I say:

You need to drop it
drop the sunk cost fallacy stopping you from change
don’t let that be, don’t let it be, it’s just a bias in your brain
let it go, you can drop this disdain for your past self, it’s just an image in your brain
just a passing phase before finally thinking sane
so what, you know, we’ve all made mistakes
it’s still alright, despite the outtakes so long as you never forget all at stake
never forget the love in your life and your chance to make something new
contribute to a perspective, conjure up a view
a different kind of pointed lens to shape the world’s affect on you

And let you grow like roses back in bloom
when not so long ago, we watched their doom,
wilted dead, no way to consume, no room for solar energy
you see, I cycle like this
I grow and then I bleed
fail to grasp, fail to heed to past lessons of the younger me
as if it were so easy to live and forget
refusing memories just to beget more mental hemorrhaging

Now I think back of Grandpa and miss telling him all this life I saw
how I can’t grapple with the religion I was raised with
because it just doesn’t make sense to me
even though my father continues to sometimes sing and preach

And then I remembered the connection between us was never about God
but this vibration, this musical sensation of sounds rising into chorus to higher elevations, serotonin sensations
as the unity of you and me all comes together in the sound waves, symphonic space
displacing this silent haze of our hours turning into days
with all these ancient ways encouraging a connective phase
what if there were a simpler way
more direct with less prophetic indiscretions, less corrupt intentions
cause most of organized religion I see seems to lack balance consistently
now I don’t mean to tread on what you believe, this is simply my perspective
how I feel and perceive what’s in front of me
I see galaxies so vast and free
impossibly deterministic, unpredictably mystically
unfathomably filled with dynamic trees all branching into these separate ideas and pieces of existence
and if I don’t stop to breathe, I’m sure to miss this chance to get up again
live and love again to build these dreams again

Photographer: Steve Halama

Neuroplastic Transition

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Now let me pass my thanks
For this booster shot
Urgency to move, I got
It flowing in my veins
Got it growing in my brain
Hero’s plot, the second stage
Sword of destiny, now in range
To write the other side of fate
To make, create, to break ‘n’ shake
Off self-ridicule, the mirror’s fool
Apathy’s riddle ruled and conquered
No longer stuck on the first step
Leaps and bounds towards the next breath
Placing my best bet
Reminded of passion to fasten ideas into action
This choice to live in dreams passing
Demons on cloud nine with a

FUCK YOU
This is my life to lose
I refuse time spent solely focused on the blues
Ignoring sunshine, sunrise, these daily rainbow hues
You must be deranged and confused to think I’d throw away the music
Wordplay fused in the melody
Hell fell, fella see, broken fallacy at the bass drop beat
Ping pong feet quickstep to the feature presentation
On both main stage and front row seat
To greet these shadows headstrong
Fear thawed and melted
Insecurity handled and dealt with
As confidence comes in rhyme
Heartbeat ‘n’ harmony intertwined


Photographer: Me

I wrote this to capture the feeling when someone amazing tells you that they believe and have faith in you. A feeling that can change the way your brain works.