Still painting these stories of illusion
as if life had the option of choosing left from right
dark from light
as if it wasn’t too late to feel change
to feel sane
in days oh so strained
how much time spent complaining that it wasn’t meant to be
cursing the idea of destiny, letting the rest of me
die so slowly

Suicide’s a funny thing when you do it in hiding
not all at once, but over multiple timings
how many lies were told in the hastening of my death
a death guaranteed
one that needs no help

When did it become so easy to give up
to say I’m done and that none of this matters
making all the wrong choices while continually creating regrets
impulsive moments I’d rather forget, but no, not yet!
my heart still beats deep in my chest
lest I beget the failure I so deeply fret

Instead let me fall into fear to put my anxieties to rest
with hesitations no longer on my breath
once afraid of change, swimming in a world of unknown depth
now without much different, just a divergent step

—
Photographer: Alex Wigan