A New Life’s Resolution


Step step step, right to this next breath
dive straight into the air, take in these windy depths
of fresh oxygen to cleanse your hidden skin
washing off the hate, not letting it fester again
because you know how it goes
how hate hides and it grows, until you look in the mirror
just to see how your body’s been thrown
into a painful mold of broken dreams with wishes postponed
so take a deep breath and recall these lessons in your bones

For one, self love never meant accepting everything as it is
as that’s resignation and denial of the ways choices build up and how they spiral
you have to drag yourself out of troughs
using consistency and discipline all while the motivation stalls
and you know you could never outrun your fork
so let go of your phone and focus on what’s there to explore instead of mindlessly eating as soon as you get bored
remembering no black mirror will bring the ocean breeze to your door

Second, you must recognize mental health is always a piece of the puzzle
and weight loss alone won’t be the sole answer
it’s wholistic life changes of a journey over time
this is not a path of instant gratification
no cellular notification to give you a body feeling fine
without obesity’s ailments and this self-combative mind
so let go of the idea that binging is sublime

Third and lastly, you can become the change you envision
transforming heartbreaking days only spent wishing
into those of bravery, committed to these life changing decisions
so keep practicing states of flow
living for moments when a perfect musical note
strikes your bones and shakes your soul
inspiring you to move, your catalyst to grow

Photo by me 🙂

Next Song, Please


Said one thing yet meant another
Just to cover up emotion
Put in motion wall construction
Distance for the fall, I’m busted
Brain flustered, made it awkward
Balance lost
Good morning’s cost is now you’re gone
Proved fears right from all along
Insecurities, I’m tired of your song

Move on, not tangled up so long as
I can feel the flow of music
See my pain, then choose to love-infuse it
No longer confused in mirror’s gaze
Hero’s journey, this path I blaze
Growth phase to displace naive ways to live

You see, I’m done living the part
Of the hidden heart, bottled sparks
Never departed for adventure
Time to venture towards dreams of night
Hold you tight, then let go
Deep breath in, calm and slow
Lungs expand, mind melds to flow

You see, so long as I breathe
I can choose to disagree with self-hate
I let go of mistakes, earthquakes of heartbreaks
When remembering what’s at stake
One life, make or break
No chance to hesitate like yesterday
Can’t just say
“Self-love can wait till a later date”

Today, I make every heartbeat count
Memories stacked up to mountains
Fountains of integrated moments
Universe’s show in 360 degrees
Ocean breeze, headphone’s beat
Sore feet to meet you
At the intersection of time and space
In the front row seats

Photographer: Dariusz Sankowski

Feel Change


So you think marijuana can ease the pain found in your brain
But you still don’t realize that everything is change
There is no moment that will ever be the same
So when will you change course
Move towards your dreams
Feel this force as it tears and screams against the apathy
Listen to me
This game is coming to an end, you see
No, not about prophecy but your own heart’s beat
Tick tock, from birth until defeat

When will you grow into more than what you feel tonight
Working through the day and night
Bringing light to what you could see
Letting your own heart sing free
No longer trapped consuming society’s
Constructed views on how to live and how to breathe
But think up new philosophies

Time to plant new trees
With a message for the future to nurture these sutures
Marking a cursory example of what it means to trample on self-doubt
Self-hate can’t stop gravitation towards gratitude
A new kind of attitude
That puts Love first

Photographer: Roksolana Zasiadko

Time to Give a Fuck


So which path are you walking
Or are you just talking
Just balking at the effort required to move forward
Can you even move toward the dreams in your mind
Spending each day crafting what you’ll find
It’s time to stop using all the same rhymes
But write something new
Something fresh for you to view
Evolving into future scenes to either win or to lose
It doesn’t matter which, so long as you choose

To give a fuck
To stop blaming luck

Counting all your chickens before they hatch or even cluck
Why the fuck are you not holding onto each passing second
With each progressive perspective
Vision hectic, biased dialectics
Death, despair rampant

Can you even stop this

Find a way to make new bliss
As I write to remember those who thrived
Write to cherish those who died before high noon’s rise to sunshine
Closed eyes, perished without a goodbye
A moment missed in shared life

RIP Christina Grimmie and The Patrons of Pulse

Photographer: Lukas Budimaier

Life is Spaghetti



No longer self-created incapacitation
Hesitation waning to the waning phase complaining
No longer sustaining my self shaming
Time spent blaming mistakes made
Instead of growing for the new day
Having something good to say
Flip this coin and turn it brave

‘Cause I’m tired of living in my own cave
My dark place to displace discomfort
As if impulse could ease how love hurts
Running away simply making the pain worse

So this is the new verse where I either die
Or I strive
The choice in my mind
Playing out at the edge of each line
No longer just a simple answer to find
But one to create
‘Cause right now it’s too easy to hate reflections
Misconceptions of internally mixed messages
As I continually tangle up all of life’s lessons

Photographer: Jose Murillo

Dear Life, Please Slow Down



You consume, you create, then you die
On the drop of a dime
That’s why I fill out each line at that end of each rhyme
‘Cause who knows when’s the last time
For a chance to sigh at past signs leading to this moment
Never grasped, yet oh so golden

Battle scars beholden to past decisions
Divisions of the heart and the soul
Of the part and the whole
Prepped with everything ready to go
Yet cold feet got me running before the start of the show

Too scared to move forward when yesterday’s mistakes grow colder
Once ahead, now back two, soon back three
What happened to the me I dream myself to be
Inner galaxies growing into astral scenes
Worry-free mentalities

I need a moment to stop and freeze

Photographer: María Victoria Heredia Reyes

Write Your Music, Right Your Life


To the moment
Time to own it
Could be slowing or barely growing
Perhaps a mix of both
Why not left in the sorrow
Somehow with a heart still ticking for a greater tomorrow
Built today, it’ll be okay
Let’s say and agree I fucked up
Yet it’s not all written in stone
This is not the way my story has to go
I don’t have to repeat this path

The question never who do you want to be
But how do you see and breathe
Melting through dynamic destinies
Understanding the journey is a fleeting thing
Here today, and tomorrow a song to sing
So revisit that question as begging you to bring a new melody to the table

Steady a rocky mind stable
With your own words, your own voice
Your own choice to fall back into the moment
Take hold of your mistakes and begin to own it

Photographer: Green Chameleon

63 Days Since My Last Poem


I stopped walking
I stopped singing
I stopped bringing myself home
Always escaping
Always fleeing
Trying to make myself whole
Now left with consequences of body and soul
Oh how did I ever let myself go

Stopped thinking
Heart sinking into pity
Been too long since I last wrote of a fleeting feeling

Amazed at how easy it was to forget self affliction
Drug induced fictions of the mind satiate the soul temporarily
Yet leave me partially blind
Until I fall back into darkness for the umpteenth time

Before the Fall


To the point it becomes impossible to ignore this downward spiral
as if I was given a trial and chose to throw it
poor decisions clearly show it
of course I know it
I see this light marking the path of right
yet in the mirror I cower at the sight
of looking into the resultant shape from these regretful nights
as if I could forget those who already lost their life

Ben had a smile for the ages
he’d be my age today
but instead he’s passed away
three years, now in a grave

I owe it to him to live brave
I owe it to him to live
with my heart on my sleeve

Self hate and disdain too easy to grow
yet instead let me update my flow
shift my perspective away from the hate that I’ve come to know
and return to love

Photographer: María Victoria Heredia Reyes

The Game’s Not Over


Feeling defeated
yet, not yet on death’s bed
as if there is still time left to turn around
this lost plane heading straight for ground
gone missing is my sanity now
every other day flipping between joy and dismay
emotions too easily swayed from impulsive connections
yet right here are momentary reflections

It’s been too long since I wrote a new lesson
my latest lesson
as this open book confessing is most always
from me
for me
marking what I need to see
eyesight 20/20 while my heart beats blurry

Living blindly
one step from dying
time swept away without trying
as lonely nights grow colder
as my heart ages ever older
as if I could smolder passion for the sake of comfort
Pretending to be awake before my final slumber

Photographer: Greg Rakozy