writing

Before the Fall

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Denial
To the point it becomes impossible to ignore this downward spiral
as if I was given a trial and chose to throw it
poor decisions clearly show it
of course I know it
I see this light marking the path of right
yet in the mirror I cower at the sight
of looking into the resultant shape from these regretful nights
as if I could forget those who already lost their life

Ben had a smile for the ages
he’d be my age today
but instead he’s passed away
three years, now in a grave

I owe it to him to live brave
I owe it to him to live
with my heart on my sleeve

Self hate and disdain too easy to grow
yet instead let me update my flow
shift my perspective away from the hate that I’ve come to know
and return to love

—

Photographer: María Victoria Heredia Reyes

The Game’s Not Over

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Feeling defeated
yet, not yet on death’s bed
as if there is still time left to turn around
this lost plane heading straight for ground
gone missing is my sanity now
every other day flipping between joy and dismay
emotions too easily swayed from impulsive connections
yet right here are momentary reflections

It’s been too long since I wrote a new lesson
my latest lesson
as this open book confessing is most always
from me
for me
marking what I need to see
eyesight 20/20 while my heart beats blurry

Living blindly
one step from dying
time swept away without trying
as lonely nights grow colder
as my heart ages ever older
as if I could smolder passion for the sake of comfort
Pretending to be awake before my final slumber

—

Photographer: Greg Rakozy

A Polar Life

Passion gets dulled in attempts to maintain conformity
fear of unknown constrict the range of possibility

Inability to embrace a dynamic perspective
fails the ultimate lesson that growth does not end
until death’s frigid fingers grasp the final breath
how often do we bet on having tomorrow’s time
too often blind of the blurry line
between an external environment and an internal mind
deluding ourselves with the idea of separation
when instead, it’s vibration

Once forgotten, yet now in flow
now aware of the inseparability of yes and of no
sense made from difference,
we live as both actor and the show

—
Photographer: Joshua Earle

I was inspired to write this after watching the amazing movie, Dead Poet’s Society.

Perspective Flow


Still painting these stories of illusion
as if life had the option of choosing left from right
dark from light
as if it wasn’t too late to feel change
to feel sane
in days oh so strained
how much time spent complaining that it wasn’t meant to be
cursing the idea of destiny, letting the rest of me
die so slowly

Suicide’s a funny thing when you do it in hiding
not all at once, but over multiple timings
how many lies were told in the hastening of my death
a death guaranteed
one that needs no help

When did it become so easy to give up
to say I’m done and that none of this matters
making all the wrong choices while continually creating regrets
impulsive moments I’d rather forget, but no, not yet!
my heart still beats deep in my chest
lest I beget the failure I so deeply fret

Instead let me fall into fear to put my anxieties to rest
with hesitations no longer on my breath
once afraid of change, swimming in a world of unknown depth
now without much different, just a divergent step

—
Photographer: Alex Wigan

The Grand Distraction

cool

Not now
not dead yet
none left to fret with work left to finish
cause I’m not yet diminished to the ashes
of burnt out passions
of past lives lost in forgetting
what is this-ness

Know this to be more than what consciousness can comprehend
no more pretending in how we view Society
in how we view the You and Me
the gap between our eyes that see
galaxies
hidden fallacies
carefully balancing
attempts to understand reality

With continous days unknowingly numbered
we play at living infinite

–
Photographer: Jordan McQueen

Oh

Next chapter
life’s moving faster
my mind still trying to keep up with all this change
oh how I wish for it all to stay the same
but oh, that’s just a fool’s game
thinking I can simply maintain sanity
with the same frame on repeat
no growth ’till I’m six feet deep

No

For in this moment, I am alive
oh, so alive
at one point defeated, but now ready to rise
eyes sky-bound
no limit’s too high now
ready to fly now
been on this runway for so long
it’s time to take off
time to grow and see what I got
so let me know that I never forgot
all that led to this
this momentary loving bliss

Synaptic Sequences

A concept stored in
electrical pathways from neuron to neuron
billions of cells continuously engaged
into the motions that lead these words
onto this page

Always processing patterns out of nothingness
identifying objects and trying to put a name on all of this
as if language could ever describe
existence

How could I forget that nothing exists in persistence
when all this time, the truth has been change
from youth to old age
my self-constructed cage has merely been illusion
from a mind afraid to live a life of its choosing

—

Photographer: Parthiv Haldipur

Thanks for Coming to Class

A moment to remember
it’s ok to let go
ok to let show that you don’t know
how your life is directed or in which way it flows
It’s ok to say that you’re feeling overwhelmed

But take a breath and look from a different perspective
Don’t forget today’s lesson
is simply to breathe
become aware of the oxygen
then let it all leave

—
Photographer: Israel Sundseth

Missing Ingredients

love

All you need is a single thought
to enter a new world, one that you’ve brought into being
The difference between your dreams and what you are seeing
is simply a matter of time, not illusion
it’s time to shake this simple confusion
that ideas happen instantly
without the series of moments in between
the start and the end
we can no longer pretend
that desire alone is strong enough to bend
a world to your wishes

—

Photographer: Mayur Gala

A Reminder for Gratitude

I give up
as death’s already ‘round that corner
I’ve found myself a mourner for time that has yet to pass
Always looking at the top and bottom
never at the center
of our hourglass representing each passing second
with no chance at seconds

I fucked up
when I promised to do so much
Visions of grandeur – Side projects galore
I boasted to build it all, but ended up a bore
Believing words alone could bring dreams to life
Forgetting that only through day and night
can we truly shine light
on whatever inner gratitude feels is right