poems

Overweight Is Not Beautiful

You know what’s not beautiful
Living with poor choices
Using food as a means to escape reality
Rather than enjoy it
Destroying bags of chips as they go straight to my hips
Because I’m psychologically addicted to the feeling
Of crunching and consuming
Munching and resuming
The same re-fleeting feeling of momentary assuming
That so long as I can eat some more
Feelings will fade away

Assuming that when emotionally cornered
By a series of frustrating events
That I can decide to binge in order to forget my stance
Forget myself and my dreams
Rather than endure, I feed myself as a means
To reach the feeling of something other than
Facing my own self in the mirror
Because what’s scary is often the picture clearer
I don’t feel comfortable in my own skin

I can’t handle a confidence deflated
Due to a stomach I’ve inflated
There’s no real debate here
Just facing results of these past years
Button popping, towel tightening, relationship fears
Insecurity overwhelming

To those able to do it
You’re stronger than I
For I can’t use inner beauty as an excuse
To cover up self-abuse
When every single time
I had a series of choices all in a line
Where consistently I decided to leave behind
The state of mind that focuses on long-term health and feeling alive
Instead I chose that it’s ok to die
Slowly but surely for that whole key lime pie

We are humans
Not meant to be triple XL
From all these poor choices
I’ve given my organs hell
Trying to do the job of 3 times the size
For a body that’s grown at least 3 times as wide
Instead of stronger

You want to know why I HATE being fat
It’s facing the fact that my choices were not all that
A feeling where I don’t want that gal to grab my ass
Because its way too jello, and jiggles way too fast

The 250 Followership Milestone Post

This number is evidence of fighting through laziness.

250

I started this blog 3 years ago (11/17/2011). Only recently I’ve been able to feel people’s responses to my writing. Until 6 months ago I had 30 followers. Heck, I even had a ZERO-view month once.

Today, we have Two-Hundred and Fifty awesome people who have opted in to join the (no longer) internal conversation of my mind.

To those that have liked posts or commented, I do recognize your profiles. And every time I see one return for the second, third, fourth, or tenth time, I feel this insanely happy feeling.

Like a

WOW, that person cares about what I’m writing 🙂

Linguistical resonation had just taken place
In this moment, this single space
Someone else in the World could trace my trajectory
My mental imagery, trying to view life from a new perspective
Looking through our Universe, searching for directive

To the first 250 and beyond:

Thank you

Thank you for reading
Thank you for writing
Thank you for liking

Cheers!

Josh

Heartbeat Bells

All I want is one
One set of eyes
A heart to surprise
With new words intertwined
In a shared sign
Of emotional connection
Seeing a reflection
Of consciousness in existence
Temporary art creating persistence
In these ideals and thoughts that overwhelm my mind
Let me share with you my journey to find
A calmer state of living blind

You can do this
You’ve played this game
In a space you’ve already come to know
The next step is waiting
So why still act slow
When instead you can run
You can chase the swelling sun
As your path has only just begun
Ding
The starting bell for life has rung

—
Yasmeen: Connected Hearts

 

Behind the Scenes

Dreams require more
Than empty thoughts
And weak wishes
You know it’s not just time
That cleans your dirty dishes
More than just time
Precedes their completion
It’s chosen action
With careful precision
Exertion of effort
Guided by a vision

Between your desire to grow
And your capacity for apathy
Use this time to write the words that you need to see
If you truly wish to realize all your soul’s dreams
Then you must always invest effort behind all your own scenes

Lift Yourself Up

What if I tore these walls down
Smiles of plenty masking hidden frowns
Sadness growing and loneliness creeping up on me
As it just seems hard to keep up
With each act, each charade
Walking as if my life’s a parade
While breaking on the inside
What if I could confide in you
My deepest insecurities
The strongest uncertainties

What would happen
If I didn’t act so tough
If I broke down when life got rough
Tears of plenty, afraid of finding love

As I can now see there exists a part of me
That doesn’t wish to succeed
That doesn’t appreciate being freed
That welcomes self torment as the seeds
To stirring a growing darkness
The lonely bliss
Of being torn between wishing to care
And instead choosing none of this

It’s time to accept this part of my soul
But still it’s only one aspect of a total whole
For my internal conversation consists of more than one role
More than one voice at play
Able to make the choice today
Deciding love through a writer’s way
Crafting the words that I need to say

Gearing my consciousness in the right direction
Leading my path down the road of affection
Continuous lessons, spontaneous blessings
Able to be proudly confessing
A weakened state of mind with the pressing desire
To light an inner fire
As I aspire to lift myself higher

 

Detangled

So blessed
Miraculously grown with love as my crest of arms
Protected from life’s harms
By a core sense of love
Through the pain and hate
I still feel as if there’s a reason beyond our fate
That before you look to the future
Remember this moment is the opportunity
To continue to be
A conduit of love
Sharing good vibes while rising above
The herd mentality of hating
The banality of blaming
External variables for internal perspectives
Remembering the lessons
That life can be viewed from more than one angle
So decide which is best before getting all tangled

Mysterious Witnesses

Jumping off the hype train
Tired of feeling the same pain
Disdain
Self hate
Self doubt
Clouds and clouds
Blocking my sunny day
My sunny way

Evidently self-created from the start
I laugh and say “Hah, I’m just too lazy”
But that laugh is only partially serious
Not alluding to the hidden sense
THAT THINGS ARE FUCKED UP
And I need a bit of change

Ignoring the clearly found answers
To live life by dancing for something worth standing for
Feel it in your beating heart
Here exists your soul
As some kind of unknown part of infinite personified stories
The Universe’s blip of somehow knowing
That it exists in ways it can not even comprehend

For on scientific frontiers of all Humanity
We’re just trying to figure out
The next point of sanity
Yet never reaching unanimity
In fully understanding
These remaining true hypotheses
Wondrous anomalies of inexplicable existences
Among continuous persistences
Observed by Us, the mysterious witnesses
As The line between what is Known
And that which is not
Continues its blurry
And ever dynamic plot

#Friendship


I couldn’t even come close to this moment
Without people beholden
To helping out
No end game in mind
No con, no gimmick
Just a friend who gave his or her
Advice, help and most importantly friendship
Keeping me in their minds as well as their hearts
So when they saw an opportunity and thought of me
Inevitably they let me know
Gave me a chance to grow
That I never would have had otherwise
This is true bliss actualized

Knowing I got a friend who’s got my back
So I can get back to living life
Not like an attack on the impossible
But rather embracing Love of what’s already on the table
Using this energy to fuel a sense of growth
Not worried about numbers or measurements
As there’s no standardized way to test this
Habitual sense of greatness comes one step at time
One line of a rhyme
Connecting two distant minds
Through choosing to shine
Letting music unwind tense shoulders and stressed spines
As we’re all just trying to find
A little relief from a Universe that mystifies the mind

Yet at the same time
Here we are in this together
Sharing experiences just like the weather
With each passing moment
A chance to make it better

—
Photographer: Brett Davies

 

You Are Free*

Stop
Is the red light
To stop your motion — you’re no longer free
Rules to protect all of the you’s and me’s
See there’s a balance between
True freedom and being free
Because dangerous choices come at a cost
They lead to much suffering
And lives being lost
So what does it mean
To truly live free
Free by my own sense
Or in my country
See there’s a difference
When laws are immoral
And when they are just
Yet we rely on our government
With bipolar trust
And we’re told, “Oh it’s because you must!”
See there’s a certain hypocrisy
In our ingrained philosophy
Of living in a world where man is truly free
Amongst an ocean of asterisks, rules and laws
For the result of each effect begins with a cause

—

Photographer: Karoly Lorente

Don’t Black Out

blackbox

I’d rather wallow in despair
Than not be aware
Blacked out with actions lacking of care
With no way to know what type of control
My drunken state of consciousness will choose to show
As I can not fathom what it means to not remember
Blacked out with actions
Unaware of the embers
Potential fires I could have lit
Words consequential which easily could have hit
The life I’m trying to build
The one of figuring out my own free will
But when I’m drunk to the point of amnesia
I have the potential to accidentally kill