thoughts

Synchronous Emotions

You’re not expected to do this alone
Pushing back against the darkness all on your own
Coldness surrounding, finding it difficult to be bold
Difficult to hold onto calm states of mind
Resisting the urge to let life leave you behind
Struggling to surface above rough waters too high

Though the journey is greater than the destination
It doesn’t make the pain any less frustrating
For as much as I want to move forward
I desire to fall back
Self-damaging choices bringing my ideals under attack
As if I wasn’t grateful for all that I have
I still can’t help but feel crushingly sad

That’s when I remember
This pain was never meant to be borne as one
Together we empower each other
Just like the warming from our Sun
With the responsibility to be open and honest
As we progress through our darkness
With various moments of fleeting bliss
A chance to show this truthfulness
That Love is the ultimate light to our wishes
The guide to our visions
And in working together
We lessen our fissions

Dance to Life

Zedd at Arena Monterrey en Parque Fundidora, Monterrey N.L.

Zedd at Arena Monterrey en Parque Fundidora, Monterrey N.L.

Stress
Begets moments of relief
Small wins to weave together
Stories of growth
Joys and sorrows
The mixture of both
A story of hope
Choosing to hold onto a lifeline’s rope

A continuous experience
Of unpredictable situations
With memorable sensations
From crippling doubt to sweetest elations
Here we exist in this world of temptations
World of frustrations

But once you see life as a single chance
To grow into the best romance
Falling in love with your own heart’s dance
Life starts to feel a bit enhanced
When overcome with emotions as abundant as oceans
Losing one’s soul to the flow of their motions
Heartbeat inducing rhythm eroding dark notions

That there is a certain way to be
That we do not live free
Instead we dance for you and for me
We dance because we can
Because it makes us happy

—-

Zedd – At Arena Monterrey en Parque Fundidora, Monterrey N.L.

Overweight Is Not Beautiful

You know what’s not beautiful
Living with poor choices
Using food as a means to escape reality
Rather than enjoy it
Destroying bags of chips as they go straight to my hips
Because I’m psychologically addicted to the feeling
Of crunching and consuming
Munching and resuming
The same re-fleeting feeling of momentary assuming
That so long as I can eat some more
Feelings will fade away

Assuming that when emotionally cornered
By a series of frustrating events
That I can decide to binge in order to forget my stance
Forget myself and my dreams
Rather than endure, I feed myself as a means
To reach the feeling of something other than
Facing my own self in the mirror
Because what’s scary is often the picture clearer
I don’t feel comfortable in my own skin

I can’t handle a confidence deflated
Due to a stomach I’ve inflated
There’s no real debate here
Just facing results of these past years
Button popping, towel tightening, relationship fears
Insecurity overwhelming

To those able to do it
You’re stronger than I
For I can’t use inner beauty as an excuse
To cover up self-abuse
When every single time
I had a series of choices all in a line
Where consistently I decided to leave behind
The state of mind that focuses on long-term health and feeling alive
Instead I chose that it’s ok to die
Slowly but surely for that whole key lime pie

We are humans
Not meant to be triple XL
From all these poor choices
I’ve given my organs hell
Trying to do the job of 3 times the size
For a body that’s grown at least 3 times as wide
Instead of stronger

You want to know why I HATE being fat
It’s facing the fact that my choices were not all that
A feeling where I don’t want that gal to grab my ass
Because its way too jello, and jiggles way too fast

Heartbeat Bells

All I want is one
One set of eyes
A heart to surprise
With new words intertwined
In a shared sign
Of emotional connection
Seeing a reflection
Of consciousness in existence
Temporary art creating persistence
In these ideals and thoughts that overwhelm my mind
Let me share with you my journey to find
A calmer state of living blind

You can do this
You’ve played this game
In a space you’ve already come to know
The next step is waiting
So why still act slow
When instead you can run
You can chase the swelling sun
As your path has only just begun
Ding
The starting bell for life has rung

—
Yasmeen: Connected Hearts

 

Behind the Scenes

Dreams require more
Than empty thoughts
And weak wishes
You know it’s not just time
That cleans your dirty dishes
More than just time
Precedes their completion
It’s chosen action
With careful precision
Exertion of effort
Guided by a vision

Between your desire to grow
And your capacity for apathy
Use this time to write the words that you need to see
If you truly wish to realize all your soul’s dreams
Then you must always invest effort behind all your own scenes

Lift Yourself Up

What if I tore these walls down
Smiles of plenty masking hidden frowns
Sadness growing and loneliness creeping up on me
As it just seems hard to keep up
With each act, each charade
Walking as if my life’s a parade
While breaking on the inside
What if I could confide in you
My deepest insecurities
The strongest uncertainties

What would happen
If I didn’t act so tough
If I broke down when life got rough
Tears of plenty, afraid of finding love

As I can now see there exists a part of me
That doesn’t wish to succeed
That doesn’t appreciate being freed
That welcomes self torment as the seeds
To stirring a growing darkness
The lonely bliss
Of being torn between wishing to care
And instead choosing none of this

It’s time to accept this part of my soul
But still it’s only one aspect of a total whole
For my internal conversation consists of more than one role
More than one voice at play
Able to make the choice today
Deciding love through a writer’s way
Crafting the words that I need to say

Gearing my consciousness in the right direction
Leading my path down the road of affection
Continuous lessons, spontaneous blessings
Able to be proudly confessing
A weakened state of mind with the pressing desire
To light an inner fire
As I aspire to lift myself higher

 

Detangled

So blessed
Miraculously grown with love as my crest of arms
Protected from life’s harms
By a core sense of love
Through the pain and hate
I still feel as if there’s a reason beyond our fate
That before you look to the future
Remember this moment is the opportunity
To continue to be
A conduit of love
Sharing good vibes while rising above
The herd mentality of hating
The banality of blaming
External variables for internal perspectives
Remembering the lessons
That life can be viewed from more than one angle
So decide which is best before getting all tangled

Mysterious Witnesses

Jumping off the hype train
Tired of feeling the same pain
Disdain
Self hate
Self doubt
Clouds and clouds
Blocking my sunny day
My sunny way

Evidently self-created from the start
I laugh and say “Hah, I’m just too lazy”
But that laugh is only partially serious
Not alluding to the hidden sense
THAT THINGS ARE FUCKED UP
And I need a bit of change

Ignoring the clearly found answers
To live life by dancing for something worth standing for
Feel it in your beating heart
Here exists your soul
As some kind of unknown part of infinite personified stories
The Universe’s blip of somehow knowing
That it exists in ways it can not even comprehend

For on scientific frontiers of all Humanity
We’re just trying to figure out
The next point of sanity
Yet never reaching unanimity
In fully understanding
These remaining true hypotheses
Wondrous anomalies of inexplicable existences
Among continuous persistences
Observed by Us, the mysterious witnesses
As The line between what is Known
And that which is not
Continues its blurry
And ever dynamic plot

Nitrogen Wishes

What if I told you I don’t always feel like an optimist
That beyond the fog and growing mist
A doubt still holds on to any sense of stable understanding
Briefest sanity shakes on loosest standing

This must be the consequence of identifying
Our plot-line of stories intertwined
As part of Humanity of a total whole
A conflicted history of which the victors wrote
An ever-changing tale of Yes and of No
Cognizant of choices resonating with my soul
My flow
Amazingly aware in what it means to grow
That if you put effort into your life
You could reap what you’ve always sown

But this lack of guarantee doesn’t give me the thrill
That a roll of dice for a dollar surely will
Instead, an uncertainty grows, impossible to kill
Doubt overwhelming when contemplating my free will
For the answers remain elusive
No one knows the truth underneath
And yet I attempt to preach with such capacity
Such audacity to take this electronic megaphone to the world
And write as if I’ve got it all figured out
That when all is said and done, I’ve conquered all my doubts

I’m here to say that’s farthest from the truth
This battle between confidence and uncertainty
Lingers long beyond my youth
Let me announce that I have no answers
I merely seek to craft thoughts into rhymes
As recently it’s been the best way to calm my mind
So many questions and answers to find
Yet none available, we remain oh! so blind
To what is truly underneath
The atoms of bed sheets
The air of which we breathe

Science and philosophy still falling short
In the realm of understanding totality of existence
With polarity in persistence
Of patterns and opposites
Lightness and darknesses
Suffering alongside this one bliss
Every breath of air the chance for a new wish
A fresh sense of courage for the story still unfinished
Comprised of the hero with a heart not diminished
But rather, still focused on making growth his one mission

—
Photographer: Lee Scott

You Are Free*

Stop
Is the red light
To stop your motion — you’re no longer free
Rules to protect all of the you’s and me’s
See there’s a balance between
True freedom and being free
Because dangerous choices come at a cost
They lead to much suffering
And lives being lost
So what does it mean
To truly live free
Free by my own sense
Or in my country
See there’s a difference
When laws are immoral
And when they are just
Yet we rely on our government
With bipolar trust
And we’re told, “Oh it’s because you must!”
See there’s a certain hypocrisy
In our ingrained philosophy
Of living in a world where man is truly free
Amongst an ocean of asterisks, rules and laws
For the result of each effect begins with a cause

—

Photographer: Karoly Lorente